Things I Cannot Do - Hetalia

1. I am not allowed to call Belarus a stalker. This will end in injury.
2. I am not allowed to say 'It's a lover's spat!' when Germany and Prussia argue.
3. Nor when England yells at America.
4. Not even if it is.
5. I will not tell Belarus Russia wants to become one with her.
6. Nor will I tell Russia I will become one with him.
7. Not even if I would.
*8.I am not allowed to annex Latvia. No matter how cute he is.
9. I will not scream 'Latvia' when ever I feel it is necessary to make him jump.
10. Not even if it IS fun.
11. I will not help Prussia harass Austria.
* 12. I will not stalk Russia.
*13. Especially not chanting 'Married'.
*14. I will not find a random wall and sob about it being the Berlin wall.
*15. I will not try to grope Prussia's armpits.
* 16. I will not make Florida jokes. Even if they are funny.
17. I will not sing the muses part of "I wont say I'm in Love' every time I see Romano
* 18. I will not pull Romano's curl.
*19. Or Italy's.
*20. 18 and 19 were lies.
21. I will not help Prussia seize Vital Regions.
22. I will not try to seize PRUSSIA's vital regions.
* 23. I will not tell Romano to get laid.
*24 I will not OFFER.
*25. I will not help Italy make a giant bowel of pasta.
*26. I will not scream 'DON'T RAPE GERMANY, PAPA ROME' whenever I see Rome. *27. I will not try to braid Germania's hair.
* 28. No matter how pretty it is.
29. I will not tell Italy subtle sex jokes.
* 30. I will not tell Italy to ask France to become one with him.
*31. I will not tell England that his cooking is wonderful.
*32. I will not eat England's cooking.
33. Germania is not Legolas.
34. He will never be, no matter how much I wish
* 35. I must not perform strip teases with France in public.
*36. Even if France says please.
* 37. France is not to be trusted not to grope me.
*38. Do not tell Russia Latvia wants to become one with him.
*39. Or Prussia.
*40. This is not fair to Latvia or Prussia.
*41. Do not tell Italy that pasta will no longer be made.
42. Making barbeque with Gilbird is bad and I will not offer to do such.
43. No matter how delicious it would be.
* 44. Do not get Prussia to annex the Baltics.
*45. This is not fair to Latvia or Prussia, also.
*46. Or the other Baltics.
*47. Do not run around screaming 'Prussia likes to touch little boys!'
*48. Even if it's true.
*49. Do not declare self the queen of Sealand.
*50. Or king.
*51. Or drag queen of Sealand.
52. I will not chain Germany to Prussia, no matter how entertaining it would be.
*53. Do not show Russia a chart detailing how AmericaxLithuania and CanadaxLatvia are the best pairings ever. Russia will not be happy.
54. Stealing Switzerland's gun WILL get me in trouble.
*55. Do not buy Switzerland more guns.
*56. Do not tell Belarus Russia wants to marry her.
57. Do not offer to marry Belarus to Russia
*58. Do not tell Russia Lithuania/China/Latvia/Prussia/anyone wants to marry him.
59. I am also not allowed to marry anyone
60. Even If I have a marriage license
*61. I am not allowed to summon all Hetalia cosplayers.
*62. Unless it's to beat Pyramid head.
63. I am not allowed to tape a Hitler mustache to Germany just to see what happens.
*64. I am not allowed to put a box between Germany and Prussia and declare it the Berlin wall.
*65. I am not allowed to convince Russia that he should build another Berlin wall.
*66. Male countries cannot get pregnant.
*67. Do not tell Russia otherwise.
68. This is not funny.
69. I will not laugh when Prussia or France make jokes about the number 69
*70. I will not try to take over Russia.
*71. Or Prussia.
*72. Or Latvia.
73. Nor can I declare myself my own nation
*74. I will stop convincing Prussia he still has a country.
*75. I will also stop telling him to declare war in Germany's name.
76. I am not allowed to buy Prussia beer.
77. Or England.
*78. I am not allowed to try and steal Germany's clothes.
79. No matter how sexy I would look in them
*80. And no matter how sexy he would look without them.
81. I am not allowed to start strip poker at a world summit
*82. I am not allowed to mess up Germany's hair.
*83. It attracts fangirls.
84. Fangirls are bad
*85. So are fanboys
* 86. England will not make out with America.
87. I am not allowed to try and make them.
88. Incest is bad.
89. AmericaxEngland is not an exception.
90. Nor is EstoniaxLatvia.
91. Or BelarusxRussia.
92. GermanyxPrussia is not an exception either.
93. I am not allowed to try and make gay marriage legal in all countries.
94. Stating that all of the countries are gay is not a good defense as to way 93 should be allowed.
95. The Berlin Wall does not make GermanyxPrussia canon.
96. Nor does German Reunification day.
97. I will not laugh uproariously at any mention of wurst.
98. If 97 is necessary, I will not do it around Germany.
99. Germany is not cute when he blushes.
100. Even if France is a pervert, I am not allowed to try and get him convicted of sexual assault.
101. I will not ignore this list.
102. I will not pretend to not ignore this list and then use loopholes to get through this list.
103. Loopholes are bad.
104. Speaking of loopholes, I am not allowed to find loopholes in any peace treaties.
105. Selling pictures of yaoi to Hungary is not allowed.
106. Nor is keeping all the pictures to myself.
107. I am not supposed to take yaoi pictures.
108. I will not force Turkey and Greece to stay in the same room.
109. I will not tell Greece Turkey kidnapped his cat.
110. World War II is not an appropriate subject for tea parties.
111. World War II is still a sore spot for Germany and I am not allowed to take advantage of this.
112. Making Germany angry at another country is bad.
113. Making Germany angry at me is worse.
114. Getting everyone drunk is not a good way to resolve political issues.
115. Nor is getting everyone stoned.
116. Neither of the previous two are funny.
117. Drawing yaoi during summit meetings is not acceptable.
118. Having drunk nations pose for yaoi pictures is bad.
119. I cannot sell Russia a love potion.
120. I cannot sell Belarus a love potion.
121. I will not help Prussia throw a party at Germany's house without Germany's permission.
122. Refer to 113 for a reason as to why 121 is not right.
123. The Revolutionary War is not a good subject to talk about to England.
124. Neither is anything to do with France.
125. Even if it's insulting France.
126. I cannot burst in on summit meetings randomly.
127. If I am invited to a summit meeting, I am to sit quietly and not make any lewd comments.
128. Standing up and screaming objection during summit meetings is bad.
129. So is screaming that two countries are 'doing it'.
130. 129 is not acceptable even if the countries mentioned ARE doing it.
131. Mistaking Canada for America on purpose is mean.
132. Claiming that I am Mama Pangea is not acceptable.
133. I am not allowed to start World War III in the form of a food fight.
134. France is not a 'Barbie girl'.
135. He isn't an 'ugly girl' either.
136. Neither song applies to anyone else, either.
137. Everything kinky does NOT start in Germany.
138. I will not mention the previous theory to Germany.
139. Watching Germany squirm after bringing up 138 is not fun.
140. Writing random pairings on the chalkboard at the Allies meetings is bad.
141. Yaoi slideshows are not appropriate things to show at world summits.
142. Even if they are sexy slide shows.
143. Putting Germany's dogs and Greece's cats in the same room is a bad thing.
144. If I do happen to do 143, blaming it on Prussia is not acceptable.
145. Gilbird is not a nutritious snack for Greece's cats.
146. I will not mock Russia by jumping off the chairs screaming 'Vodka'.
147. I will not do 146 at parties either.
148. No matter how much Prussia begs me.
149. Going to parties with Prussia, France, and Spain will end badly.
Contributed by sephypsycologist. 150. Using the 'Sexyenglandplz' icon is bad. Especially when you show it to Arthur.
Contributed by sephypsycologist. 151. Using the 'francebuttplz' icon is bad too.
Contributed by FujinFuu. 152. Big Ben jokes are as bad as Florida jokes.
Contributed by FujinFuu. 153. Eiffell tower jokes. Not good either.
Contributed by yukifan1. 154. Making jokes about the fact that, geographically, Germany is on top of Italy is not OK. Italy won't get it anyway.
Contributed by yukifan1. 155. Neither am I to make those jokes with Canada and America because that is bad. Plus, in that order, it just doesn't make sense.

Contributed by KamikazeWorld. NOTE: The things on this list will make Germany mad. Germany is not nice when he is mad. When Germany is mad, he can and will kill me.